so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
