dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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