only you would photoshop your dick
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
