Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
