Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
