Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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