Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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