I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
