Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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