are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
