Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Blow job season was short but glorious.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
