omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize