Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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