come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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