All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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