Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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