We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
