the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
