I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
