At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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