I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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