Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize