she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
