you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
