Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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