rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
People in love make me want to vomit
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
