i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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