Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
