she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
