I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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