well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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