the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
