I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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