After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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