I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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