fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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