it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
