Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
