Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
FUCK WHALES
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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