its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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