Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
