a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you told grandpa to call you daddy
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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