Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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