I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
