My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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