The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
