was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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