Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
