i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
nutella sex= disaster
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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