So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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