Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
