you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
