so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
