Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
