census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
