I can text with my tongue
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize