i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
