And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
