The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
