Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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