the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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