I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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