It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
