____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
the condom got lost in my hair
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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