Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
