i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
