she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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