you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
