Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
