People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize