You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
