Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
