alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
