I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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