dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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