Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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