I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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