It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
